Written by Robert Scucci | Published
The term “direct-to-video” is often associated with low-budget projects that cannot secure a wide theatrical release. More often than not, this is the right logic to follow. However, there is one 1996 film that defies all logic Theodore Rex – the $33.5 million science fiction buddy movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and the movie’s anthropomorphic dinosaur portrayed with great enthusiasm by George Newbern (Father of the Bride).
While I’m usually a big fan of “too bad it’s good,” titles Theodore Rex it’s one of those movies that will confuse me to death. Furthermore, I feel like New Line Cinema is aware of this fact, which is why you can’t find this movie on any streaming platform as of this writing.
Futuristic Dino Detective?
Theodore Rex We’re wasting no time insulting your intelligence with a Star Wars-style pre-film teaser that tells you everything you need to know:
There’s a mysterious but lovable dinosaur named Theodore Rex who wants to be a detective, a disgraced and corrupt cop named Katie Coltrane (Whoopie Goldberg) who is tasked with solving a murder case with a dinosaur against her will to get her badge back, and a crime scene involving a dead dinosaur that leads to a conspiracy. great about evil. a billionaire named Elizar Kane (Armin Mueller-Stahl) who wants to use fish DNA to usher in a new ice age for … reasons.
Confusing Character Design
The most frustrating part about Theodore Rex its character design. I’ll be the first to admit that walking and talking dinosaur dolls look cool to light-hearted people in the mid-90s or whatever the hell this is, but their personalities make absolutely no sense, and seem like they were made for a movie. the sole purpose is to make the audience scream at the screen while saying “haha, that’s not happening!”
For example, Theodore Rex has an automatic cookie shooter in his beautifully decorated penthouse apartment when he wants a snack. Let’s get this out of the way for a second because our dino detective hero is down to his public relations job, and only you wish being a police officer in the first act.
How can Theodore Rex afford this lifestyle, and why does he love cookies so much?
What does he do aside from having an endless supply of perfect white-chocolate macadamia nut cookies in an apartment so big that even Frasier Crane would be envious of his living situation? Is the cookie cutter custom built? At least we know that his big tailgater was bought with taxpayer money, but I have no good reason to believe that Theodore Rex has “cookie-cutter money” floating around by any stretch of the imagination.
Also, Theodore, and all the other dinosaurs were integrated into society after being created by a villain, they have all decided they no longer want to be carnivores, for reasons that have never been fully explained. If I had to guess, this idiosyncrasy was invented for the sole purpose of making the dinosaurs in this universe more idiosyncratic.
Whoopi Goldberg Didn’t Want To Be There
In 2015 in an interview with Folha de S. Paulo, Whoopi Goldberg didn’t mince her words when she said she didn’t want to act. Theodore Rex. In fact, producer Richard Gilbert Abramson filed a $20 million lawsuit against Goldberg when he tried to back out of production on the film after she allegedly made a verbal agreement to be cast as Katie Coltrane back in 1992. Coming out of court, Goldberg reluctantly agreed to go ahead with the project, but his disdain is evident in every single frame.
There is not a single punchline Theodore Rex that doesn’t match the look of fear on Goldberg’s face as if to say, “I can’t believe I’m saying these words out loud.” It’s also not revealed until the third act that Katie Coltrane is part cyborg, which doesn’t benefit the plot in any way other than the fact that it explains why she wanders around listlessly – like a drunken cat following a laser pointer – across the country. the movie. Part of me wonders if this exposition was simply added to the script to explain the soullessness of Goldberg’s movement and line delivery.
Whoopi Goldberg was paid $7 million to debut Theodore Rex.
It’s OK If You Want to Get Over It
Theodore Rex it is not available anywhere in circulation, which may benefit mankind. Humanity is overstimulated by endless technological innovations, more wars, economic depression, famine, corruption, advertisements, get-rich-quick schemes, and a sense of political division that will likely get worse before things get better. For most people, sitting down to watch Theodore Rex as an escape from the horrors of modern life may be the very thing that pushes them over the edge.
As I lament the 92 minutes of my dedicated time Theodore Rexit does not give up hope. I watched this movie so you don’t have to. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, you can probably find every copy of this movie under a decades-old tar pit where it belongs.
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